For many people Brighton’s West Pier is a relic from a bygone age, a victim of arson, a landmark failure of common decency in the face of greed and corruption.

It is a little known fact that, since its demise on 11th May 2003, it has been anything but a victim or a failure. It was requisitioned as an antenna for guiding alien spaceships to the Brighton Pride festival where aliens could blend in seamlessly with the LGBTQ+ community and enjoy their time on Earth without fear of discrimination or harassment.

Stonewall has denied that requests have been made to have a more inclusive gender categorisation encompassing carbon-based life forms from other planets that have more than two sexes. The woke debate continues apace.